your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
