We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
