but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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