My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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