did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
