Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
