that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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