We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
