Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
