Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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