i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize