I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
