anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
