Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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