She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
