your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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