Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize