She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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