I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
