...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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