my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
