I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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