your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
