I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
