why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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