i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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