I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
