so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
