you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
