Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
