I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
