No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
