You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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