Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
