I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
