4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
