Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize