ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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