I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
