Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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