Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...

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(518): View more from New York

He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.

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(253): View more from Washington

thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.

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(530): View more from California

Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me

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(518): View more from New York

Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life

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