proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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