Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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