sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
