I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
