i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
