I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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