Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
