You're my little dorito
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
