A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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