I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
