Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
