Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
