Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
