I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
