Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
