I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
