OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
