would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
40s are totally the cure
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
