He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
