you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
