I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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