Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
