Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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