I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
