there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize