if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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