Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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