your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
