NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
