First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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