watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
