6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
