Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
