i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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