Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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