grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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