Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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