at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
