Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
