WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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