I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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