He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
