you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
