And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
