Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
