I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
