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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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