I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize