Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
