i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
