The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
