Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
